She spoke first, "I'm sorry, I would have knocked, but I did not seeyour car and thought no one was home. I was going was leaving yourlease renewal on...the kitchen counter for you when I heard thevacuum..." Um the car is in the shop for service." I managed.I think in attempt to make me feel better, Carolyn said with a smile,"Oh, well that would explain it. And your outfit would explain why thehouse is always so lovely." I am so sorry, I mean I..." was all I could stammer."Don't be silly. There. They cut me deeply. So I wrote about the lives of Black men and Black women who happened to be gay or bisexual. I saw a lot of books by Black authors in libraries across Massachusetts but too many of them were books celebrating the thug lifestyle. I’m not a thug. I’m a college-educated, hard-working and church-going Black man. Even though I’m bisexual, I’m deeply conservative. I support same-sex marriage, of course. But I’m not in favor of things like legalizing marijuana or other crazy things. I wanted to be findable; at home or in my office if and when my husband wanted me. It was all but impossible to concentrate at work but I couldn’t let anyone know what had happened so I had to force myself to behave as normally as possible while my mind was fixed on the terrible thing I had done to the man I loved.Thank God none of the kids called to speak to their father.After two terrible, guilt-ridden, sleepless days on my own, I was woken early on the Wednesday morning by noises coming from. Once those that planned and participated in the attacks met their eternal judgment I started to feel like I could try to live again instead of merely existing.Slowly things returned to normal around sixteen hundred Pennsylvania Avenue. My days were a blur of sameness that threatened to kill me with boredom. Charger was my one respite from the crushing loneliness. He and I made a habit of taking short trips to the Cave House and Camp David, where we successfully avoided the hordes of cardboard.
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